To waffle: v. British informal; to talk incessantly or foolishly; prattle; engage in double talk.
I don’t know what to say about the American Democratic party these days. Apparently, Democratic politicians don’t know what to say either, so they just keep saying a bunch of nonsense, hoping to sound attractive to someone out there. They definitely don’t sound attractive to me. Why is it that everytime there’s some setback somewhere, the party interprets the political message as “head to the center?” The fools are waffling, I think.
And I wish they would stop it.
Instead, maybe they could just make waffles. It’s easy enough to do and much more productive. So, here’s a recipe for all of the Congressional Democrats (and for those of you higher up the food chain as well). You’ll need to start the night before. Plan ahead.
Waffles for Democrats
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 package of yeast
1 tbs. sugar
1 tsp. salt
1.5 sticks of butter, melted
1 cup of whole milk
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/2 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg
The freshly grated peel of one orange
3 eggs, room temperature — ahem — separated
In a large bowl, mix together all the ingredients, save the eggs. Cover the bowl with a clean dish towel or plate and keep it overnight in a place full of hot air. Like maybe your briefcases.
In the morning, beat the egg whites in a stand mixer until they hold stiff peaks. Meanwhile, gently mix the yolks into the waffle batter. Next, carefully, fold the egg whites into the batter. Don’t deflate the egg whites as you’ve deflated your own legislative prospects with a year’s worth of incessant waffling.
Cook the batter in a waffle iron according to the manufacturer’s directions. This recipe makes enough waffles for five Democratic members of Congress, assuming 2 per stooge. You don’t really deserve that many, so don’t even think of asking for more. Top with butter and maple syrup. Now, sit down, shut up for a bit, and eat.
When you’ve finished, stop all of your tiresome waffling and go pass meaningful health care reform legislation. Hell, even the Senate version is better than nothing (and I can’t belive you morons have forced me to say that).
And, please, please, please Act Blue. Do try to remember that half of American voters elected you people to do so. Instead of waffling around, pathetically trying to appeal to bankers and nutters, you might actually attempt to do something for us — your justifiably angry supporters.
I’ve been a bit lax about posting lately because I’ve been rather distracted. I’m waiting for something, you see. I’m waiting for a pop.
For the past two weeks, I’ve suffered from an ear infection that simply will not go away. Meds can’t seem to touch it. All I can do is wait.
At least I’m suffering from an infection of a really impressive body part. Observe:
All of this symmetry and detail is impressive, but it strikes me that there are many places where things could go wrong. Currently, the middle of my right ear is under water, or at least that’s what I like to imagine in there. I can barely hear, which makes teaching a bit of a challenge. It’s unfortunate that in the first week of classes, I came across to my students as a deaf old crone. But I persevere and wait for the pop that will return my hearing and my self.
It’s hard to function without all the senses; I suppose one can only really appreciate that fact when something goes out. Now that deafness has more or less settled in, I feel confused, unbalanced, and on edge. There is not much actual pain right now, just sort of tension — tension that seems equal parts mental and physical. And, as everyone who lives with me will attest, I am grumpy.
I think I’m entitled; these days all I get from my eardrum is the odd snap and the occasional crackle when what I really need is a nice, resounding pop. Something…definitive.
I feel a bit like a did in the waning days of my pregnancy, when Mimi was officially post-term and I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Then, as now, there was an official date when the situation would be forced to end by the medical establishment: in the case of the pregnancy, a date when labor would be induced; now, an appointment to have my eardrum punctured by a professional. And now, as then, I feel like that date cannot come soon enough.
Not being the most patient person in the world, the thought of DIY surgery has crossed my mind — fondue forks are good for all sorts of things — but I’m a mother and I have to set a good example. Still, one way or another, something is going to pop around here. Yes, indeed.
Stovetop Popcorn (adapted from a recipe at simplyrecipes.com and a good recipe for anyone with a persistent ear infection)
Yes, there are all sorts of marvelous machines that can pop up excellent popcorn, but I’m at a point where I need to take matters into my own hands. Call this passive-agressive popcorn popping. What else can I do?
2 tbs. grapeseed or canola oil
1 tbs. truffle infused grapeseed oil
1/3 cup good quality popping corn
1 tbs. butter
1 tsp. Kosher salt
1/2 tsp. smoked Spanish paprika or cumin
Heat oil over medium-high heat in a heavy skillet with a lid. Put in three or four kernels of popcorn. When those kernels pop, add the remaining popcorn and take off of the heat for 30 seconds. Return to heat, cover, and shake the pan. You will soon begin to hear very satisfying popping sounds coming from inside the pan. Bank down your envy and continue shaking the pan over the heat until the popping subsides. Add the butter and salt and seasoning of choice. Shake some more while the butter melts. Pour popcorn into a large bowl. Popcorn tastes best eaten from a communal bowl kept in the middle of a floor or sofa, preferably while watching something like The Sound of Music, which is, ironically, the current favorite in our house.
POP ON! Please…