Waffling   4 comments

To waffle: v. British informal; to talk incessantly or foolishly; prattle; engage in double talk.

I don’t know what to say about the American Democratic party these days. Apparently, Democratic politicians don’t know what to say either, so they just keep saying a bunch of nonsense, hoping to sound attractive to someone out there. They definitely don’t sound attractive to me. Why is it that everytime there’s some setback somewhere, the party interprets the political message as “head to the center?” The fools are waffling, I think.

And I wish they would stop it.

Instead, maybe they could just make waffles. It’s easy enough to do and much more productive. So, here’s a recipe for all of the Congressional Democrats (and for those of you higher up the food chain as well). You’ll need to start the night before. Plan ahead.

Waffles for Democrats

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 package of yeast

1 tbs. sugar

1 tsp. salt

1.5 sticks of butter, melted

1 cup of whole milk

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ground cloves

1/2 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg

The freshly grated peel of one orange

3 eggs, room temperature — ahem — separated

In a large bowl, mix together all the ingredients, save the eggs. Cover the bowl with a clean dish towel or plate and keep it overnight in a place full of hot air. Like maybe your briefcases.

In the morning, beat the egg whites in a stand mixer until they hold stiff peaks. Meanwhile, gently mix the yolks into the waffle batter. Next, carefully, fold the egg whites into the batter. Don’t deflate the egg whites as you’ve deflated your own legislative prospects with a year’s worth of incessant waffling.

Cook the batter in a waffle iron according to the manufacturer’s directions. This recipe makes enough waffles for five Democratic members of Congress, assuming 2 per stooge. You don’t really deserve that many, so don’t even think of asking for more. Top with butter and maple syrup. Now, sit down, shut up for a bit, and eat.

When you’ve finished, stop all of your tiresome waffling and go pass meaningful health care reform legislation. Hell, even the Senate version is better than nothing (and I can’t belive you morons have forced me to say that).

And, please, please, please Act Blue. Do try to remember that half of American voters elected you people to do so. Instead of waffling around, pathetically trying to appeal to bankers and nutters, you might actually attempt to do something for us — your justifiably angry supporters.

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Posted January 28, 2010 by snpulling in Breakfast, Foods for Illness, Politics

Tagged with , ,

4 responses to “Waffling

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  1. I feel your anger. I hope your pain has improved, and that you are glad you didn’t do it yourself.

    Fantasticly pointed recipe above. I envision a number of similar ones, such as muffins, where the most important thing to understand is that only a LITTLE stirring is required. If you beat and beat in an attempt to remove every little lump the Republicans in the kitchen point out, the muffins will suck and they won’t be done until everyone has starved. Of course, said Republicans will then insist no one ever really WANTED muffins in the first place. Or how about Dover Sole, so delicious but which, like a Democratic congress, we have the privilege of watching its spine removed before our very eyes at the hands of an experienced server.

    Your Republican readers (are there any out there) might enjoy a recipe for gNOcchi.

    marvelous machine
    • I’m actually kind of sad that I can hear again — politically speaking, there’s nothing much worth listening to. I was better off deaf.
      Speaking of fish: I should post a recipe for jellyfish — a spineless fish that is transformed into a little puddle of goo as soon as it feels the heat. Stings going down. Yummy!

  2. Atta’ Girl !! Give ‘em hell…..but not maple syrup until they’ve earned it!!!

    • I considered writing a thoroughly disgusting recipe for waffles, but that would have violated the practical spirit that I try to preserve in this blog. Clearly, these fools don’t deserve a single waffle — let alone one with syrup. What they do deserve is — well, I promised myself that I wouldn’t curse in these pages so nevermind.

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